Flash Backtime: Waco On The Way

It's kind of a glorious morning in Waco. The above picture was taken from the 11th floor of perhaps the tallest building in the city.

The trip to Waco jump starts a very ambitious road trip, but it was a trip I made here several years ago that was the culmination of one. In fact, that's when I sat down a started this little pocket of the internet.

Three hundred and fifty posts ago, Backtime's first entry was titled Waco On The Way. 

February 1, 2009

When you’re on a long stretch on the road like I am, the Super Mario-like obstacles that impede your progress become less annoying and more comic.

Some years ago, I stopped complaining about the “now” and focused on the “next” – the only problem about problem-solving is my mind often races in 5th gear when my body is in neutral.

It all started earlier this week when my 2-day business trip got extended to 9 days thanks to the Oklahoma ice storms. The “now” was I wasn’t going to get home for a while. The “next” was a shopping spree at the JC Penney in Coralville, Iowa. I had three more games to produce and I didn’t feel right going to work in sweats.

After 4 days barnstorming in Iowa (I can now identify in some measure with the presidential hopefuls), I headed for the final outpost between the road and home: Waco, Texas.

On my half-filled commuter flight from DFW, some cowboy moved to the empty seat in front of me right before takeoff, then reclined his seat back all the way back as soon as we were in the air. This was a breach of frequent-flying etiquette and I pondered how to let him know.

If it were longer than a 20-minute flight I probably would have kicked his chair or unfolded my newspaper in such a way that he’d be wearing it as a hat. But I let it go.

It reminded me of the best revenge I ever got on a fellow traveler – it was many years ago. This husky 300+ pound guy sat next to me, dominated the armrest, fell asleep immediately and snored in my face for over 2 hours. When the flight was over, he had no clue where his shoes were. That was pretty mean, but it felt so good.

So I landed in Waco about 8:45 on a Saturday night and got to the Hertz counter. But there was no agent. In fact, there was no agent at any counter. But I had a reservation. There was nobody to cry to, so I collected my mountain of baggage and found an airport policeman outside. It was a helpful conversation.

EP: Excuse me officer, I have a reservation at Hertz, but there’s nobody there.

COP: Yeah, she goes home about 6 on Saturdays.

EP: Can I call a cab?

COP: Might take about a half-hour. Waco’s only got one cab company and they’re clear across town.

EP: Who do you have to be to get help around here, George W. Bush?

COP: Well he’s just John Q. Citizen now. If his helicopter lands at this airfield at this time on a Saturday night, he’s SOL. He’ll just have to call his wife to pick him up like everyone else.

I thanked him. I was just as helpless as before, but at least I was smiling. Out of the corner of my eye I caught the American flight crew piling into a hotel shuttle. I jumped in with them even though it wasn’t my hotel. I humped my gear a couple of clicks up to my hotel and got on line to check in. When it was finally my turn, an old woman in wheelchair cut me off – she nearly ran over my foot - and started asking the guy at the front desk a bunch of inane questions.

What was I going to do? Tell off the rude old lady in a wheelchair? The front desk guy took pity and told her “let me check this gentleman in first.” My first victory in Waco. Not even the ATF could take it away from me.

If you’ve never been to Waco, this is a very Christian town. The hotel doesn’t offer laundry service on Sundays. So here I am, at a coin-operated laundromat for the first time since I was an NYC bachelor. Oh, and I had to walk since I don’t have a car.

But the trip will get better. We’re looking forward to enjoying the Super Bowl at Cricket’s. My man Bubba was in Vegas for last night’s big UFC battle and he threw down some scratch for me. Big Monday is at Baylor for the first time in 8 years and it should be a great scene.

And I will be home in 48 hours. But got to finish the job in Waco on the way.

Backtime 2012 Big Finish: Day 1

So today it began. Gone for 12 days. Holidays? What Holidays? I got a cash register to ring up. I got everything done at home (I hope) and won't return until January 1. Don't worry y'all, I set the alarm before I left.

If the Mayans are correct, which is hard to imagine since they don't exist anymore, then I won't be returning at all. But in the meantime I will tackle the tasks in front of me.

The first leg of the trip was a mid-afternoon flight. The network must have had to save money on holiday travel because I was not on my preferred airline. Which meant a $25 check baggage fee, and almost an additional levy on top of that as my fortnight suitcase came in at 48 lbs, just under the oversize limit.

I flew coach both legs, first to Charlotte, and then a window seat in the last row to Dallas. We were fighting heavy headwinds so we landed in Dallas a half-hour late. Then I waited 30 minutes for the bag and 20 minutes for the rental car shuttle. Then I looked around the lot for about 10 minutes before finally stumbling on a vehicle with satellite radio.

After a brief bout with construction and traffic, I was in Waco less than two hours later. Got Baylor hoops hosting BYU tomorrow evening, and BYU football is on the big screen right now at Cricket's where they have about a hundred beers on tap.

Cricket's was where I watched the SuperBowl four years ago. It was the Pittsburgh-Arizona classic where Santonio Holmes was a Steelers hero instead of a Jet malcontent.

Alright, Waco tonight. Driving back to some airport hotel at DFW after the game tomorrow.

What Is Backtime?

I was sitting on The Front Porch just a couple of days ago, and during our fireside chat Mr. Hodesh asked about the derivation of this blog's title.

Backtime, in TV terms, is the time left in your show. This is of course presuming that everything goes to format. You'll need to expand or compress your content to fit the show's length.

Life of course has no given length, but there are only 24 hours in a day. And if you're a Dad, a frequent business traveler, writer, researcher, and someone who wants to remain in reasonably good physical shape, that may not be enough time. So you learn how to maximize your time to get the best content on the air, which in this case means your life.

So my constant evolvement as a Dad, my road adventures, memoirs, perspective on sports, TV and book reviews, and not-too-serious political commentary are all a part of who I am. They all need to be cultivated, watered like plants, to keep my mind sharp and focus on whatever the hell comes next.

Yesterday was a good example:

7:30 AM - Homework at coffee joint

9:30 AM - Haircut

11:00 AM - Holiday Feast at the kids' elementary school

12:30 PM - Car wash

1:30 PM - Conference call (90 minutes)

3:30 PM - Conference call (60 minutes)

4:30 PM - Monitor kids' karate and gymnastics class

6:00 PM - Address and stamp 75 holiday cards

7:15 PM - My karate class

9:00 PM - Prepare food for Wednesday holiday party

10:00 PM - Write blog

Then I set the alarm for 6 AM, with a 7 AM personal training session hanging over my head. And a 12-day, 4-event road trip begins on Thursday.

My son is only 8, but he saw my "must" do list for the week and he was moved to say, "That's a lot of stuff." Come May, I'll likely be sitting on my own front porch devouring a book or just watching the traffic go by. But for now, this is the season. You can set your watch to it, I am the traffic.

Just Offensive

It's too easy to blame Mark Sanchez or the anemic offensive line. The Jets offensive problems lie in a repetitive pattern of history, constantly hiring the wrong man for the wrong job at offensive coordinator.

It hasn't always been awful, just mostly awful. Charlie Weis had three good years when the Jets had briefly changed their identity under Bill Parcells from 1997-99, and Paul Hackett actually had moderate success working with Chad Pennington in the Herm Edwards years from 2001-04.

But if you're a Jet fan, the list below will inspire nothing but seething anger at all the years of miserable play-calling and brain-dead clock management. Years of our lives that have been thrown away on a collection of has-beens and never-will-bes.

Joe Walton 1981-1989

Walton was actually a good offensive coordinator in 1981 & 1982, although that just happened to coincide with the NFL debut of Freeman McNeil. Once Walton was promoted to head coach, it was a disaster. For years, the fans chanted "Joe Must Go!" and management didn't listen.

After his second year as head coach, the offensive coordinator duties were unloaded on...

Rich Kotite 1985-1989, 1995-1996

Kotite saved Walton's job at first. Then he gradually took the Jets offense down the tunnel to hell. And for good measure he was rehired as the worst head coach in Jets history. In 1995 & 1996, the Jets were 4-28.

After a brief search on the internet, I found the picture that all Jet fans would cover their dart board with, the only picture living on the web of great minds Walton and Kotite together.

Bruce Coslet 1990-1993

He was hailed as a visionary after great success as the Bengals OC in the late 80s. But after 4 non-winning seasons in the dual role of Head Coach & Offensive Coordinator, he was shown the door. That paved the way for the one-year fiasco that was the Pete Carroll era, a few years too early.

Coslet returned to his assistant role with the Bengals until David Shula was fired, then he drove the Bengals into the ground too. His career record as an NFL Head Coach: 47-77.

Brian Schottenheimer 2006-2011

"Schottie, you suck," said Mark Sanchez on HBO's Hard Knocks, after Sanchez called a preseason game-opening drive for a TD.

Personally I thought Schottenheimer was awful. I know he got stuck with Brett Favre, and a rookie Mark Sanchez, but somehow the team succeeded despite him. He was a classic game-planner that would rather trick you than just beat you. Thank goodness the Jets had a punishing RB like Thomas Jones who had a couple of brilliant seasons in that stretch.

Tony Sparano 2012-

Sparano got dealt a bad hand too. A few years ago, he had success running the Wildcat with the Dolphins. But since then the gadget offense, as any fad in the NFL, was figured out and dismantled. But the word came down from up high (no pun intended) to involve Tim Tebow.

Early in the season, the results were mixed. But later in the year, all it did was take Sanchez out of rhythm and bring any semblance of cohesion in the offense to a grinding halt.

Does he deserve to stay? Rex Ryan? Sanchez? Tebow? Does anyone?

Others

Who could forget one-year wonders like Ray Sherman (1994), Ron Erhardt (1996), Dan Henning (2000), or Mike Heimerdinger (2005)?

This is the problem with the Jets and their offensive coordinators: they mostly hire retreads, and when they don't they hire guys who have to justify their existence by being fancy.

My only advice, whether hiring an offense-minded head coach, or just a new OC, please do not hire Andy Reid, Norv Turner, or Todd Haley.

Find a guy who's hot, innovative, on the way up, and throw a bunch of money at him. Like they do in college.

2012 New York Jets: Playing Us For Dummies

"So you're telling me there's a chance." ~ Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber

At 6-7 and headed into a Monday Night game in Nashville, the Jets have a chance, and they're better than the one-in-a-million that Mary Swanson quoted Lloyd. But do we buy it? And why exactly should we?

The Jets finish at Tennessee (4-9), home for San Diego (5-9), and at Buffalo (5-9). All three teams have already thrown in the towel and the Jets could win them all, especially the finale. There's an old expression in the AFC East that applies there:

"As long as they've got Chan Gailey, we've got a chance."

So the Jets need to win out and then need help. It's not as preposterous a situation as you might think and the Jets have been in this position before, backing into the playoffs in 2009 and then making a deep run, leading 17-6 in the AFC Championship game before falling to Peyton Manning in Indy.

The simplest route (assuming the Jets can win out and finish 9-7) is for the Bengals to beat the Steelers this weekend, then lose the final week to the Ravens. The Jets would win a tiebreak with the Bengals, but not the Ravens or Steelers. The Jets would get further help if the Colts lost out and met them at 9-7, but they've got a game at KC this weekend so that's unlikely.

This is all assuming the Jets can sweep to the finish, making 5 straight wins to close the season. Which is a dumb assumption.

The Most Thumb-derful Time Of The Year

My daughter's birthday falls in December, so between that and Hanukkah and Christmas, you'd might as well move the toy store here.

The problem is she plays with them all. Everything is opened and fully diagnosed. Nothing gets re-gifted. And I am obliged, between events and on little sleep, to assemble everything. It's not an armoire or anything, but it does take some effort.

And there is no procrastination allowed - you can't just do it tomorrow. Tomorrow is a flight or a conference call or a million other things. So I'm stuck with these moderately intricate directions, and a 6-year old peering over my shoulder ready to pounce.

Whether it's a multi-level Barbie House or a customized Hello Kitty headband-maker, these are mentally challenging exercises.

Even the Monster High and Bratz dolls are so accessorized, that even if you manage to get through the plastic shell, there are a million tight bands and tie wraps to cut your way through before you can extricate Frankie Stein from the box.

Video games are tough too, because the directions, rules and controller functions don't fall on the kid but the dad. The Monster High Skultimate Rollermaze on Wii is fairly simple, and thus is kind of a waste of time to play. Tangled and Brave are much more intelligent and strategic if I'm going to play video games with my daughter.

Just an observation: boys' video games are all about racing and competition. Girls' video games  are more about teamwork and task completion. We can learn a lot about society from this. Except if you're playing Monster High Skultimate Rollermaze, which isn't really about either.

But you'll never really know until you get it out of the box and put it all together.

Backtime Dateline: Chapel Hill

It was an 18-hour hit & run in Chapel Hill, enough time for a nice dinner and an IPA at the Carolina Brewery on Franklin Street, and then a noon matinee at the Dean E. Smith Center.

The headline today wasn't that East Carolina was in town to play the Tar Heels, but rather that their coach, Jeff Lebo brought his team where he starred over 20 years ago. It was so long ago, that Roy Williams was the #3 guy on Dean Smith's staff.

It's a good look for Lebo to go scorched earth on the dome in his advanced age. I can relate. Who loves ya, baby?

East Carolina didn't put up much of a fight for most of the game, but finished with a barrage of 3's to close within 4 before a tough 93-87 road loss. They scored 61 2nd Half points, so (North) Carolina's going to have to work on some D.

I hadn't done a Carolina hoops game in Chapel Hill in quite a while. I've been there for football, women's basketball, and women's soccer (they just won their 21st NCAA championship) since my last game at the Dean Dome. My homecoming wasn't quite as noteworthy as Lebo's.

That's because I had my one brush with the law in Chapel Hill in December 1995, in the aftermath of a house party hosted by some members of the women's swim team. I can't blog any further without a lawyer present.