Blowing The Whistle On NFL Zebra Talk

I resisted the temptation to pile on, but it's too great. The Backtime Editorial Department's official statement on the NFL officiating fiasco:

"Let's get all nostalgic about the regular officials, who just don't suck as much."

The truth is, I have no real take on this which hasn't already been put out there. The product is impacted and the games are becoming very difficult to watch. Professional gamblers in Vegas are no doubt turning to the roulette wheel, which now involves more research and strategy than betting a 2012 NFL game.

Wisconsin pols have gotten in on the act after their beloved Packers were jobbed on Monday. Paul Ryan in Cincinnati yesterday:

"You guys watch that Packers game last night? I mean GIVE ME A BREAK! (pauses for expected laughter, co-opting the personality of his running mate) It is time to get the real refs. And you know what it reminds me of? President Obama and the economy. If you can't get it right, it is time to get out."

I am trying, really trying to find the analogy here. Oh they're both lousy, I see - must've gone over my head. Kind of like how parking tickets and raw meat are both so hard to swallow.

Even the foremost authority in killing the right to collectively bargain has caved, as Scott Walker took to Twitter with the hashtag "#returntherealrefs." So he's suggesting that fatcat, billionaire NFL owners just give in on their hard-line stance against unionized workers. Maybe he was joking.

But despite all the attempts at comedy, as usual, one man stood alone. Noting that NFL ratings have never been higher, Stephen Colbert suggested that this is what the people want:

"People love sports disasters. That's why they watch NASCAR, or the Mets. I think the NFL should incorporate other things that entertainingly ruin the game. For instance, stop mowing the grass...

Or if you must mow it, make the groundscrew spend 20 minutes in a gyroscope before they paint the lines on the field...

Or maybe swap out the uprights for those wavy car dealership guys...

So I say, let the lockout continue. These replacement refs are great for business. I just hope they're demanding to get paid what they're worth. I mean if the owners don't give it to them, they should really form a union."

I think we found our whistleblower. But I must repeat Backtime's official statement:

"Let's get all nostalgic about the regular officials, who just don't suck as much."

These zebras-in-exile are responsible for things like a famously botched coin flip, and a completely mangled 2006 Steelers-Seahawks SuperBowl.

For the time being, things are what they are, and the product has suffered. But GIVE ME A BREAK (P.Ryan 9/25/12) with all the righteous outrage.

Vikings Fans: Consider Yourselves 4-Warned

Dear Minnesota Vikings fans,

You have Brett Favre as your Quarterback. Mazel Tov. When you celebrate his 40th birthday on October 10, you can revisit the highlights of his career:

>His one Super Bowl title, 13 seasons ago.
>His 12 Postseason wins (only 3 this decade).
>His 269 straight starts (he'll play even when he's hurt, costing the Jets the playoffs).

No QB in NFL history has thrown more interceptions, and no QB in NFL history has intercepted more headline-grabbing opportunities, sending newsrooms around the country scurrying at his whim.

Brett Favre will take the field tonight in purple, and we have not changed our stance from earlier this off-season. Below is "A Wing and a Prayer: Buyer Beware" (a Backtime Re-Air).

May 12, 2009

In 2008, the New York Jets and their fans experienced the career of Brett Favre in a microcosm.

There were the dramatic inconsistencies in a 3-3 start.

There was the spectacular run of 5 straight wins, including huge character checks in wins at New England and Tennessee.

There was the monumental collapse down the stretch as the Jets lost 4 of their last 5 including embarrassing losses to San Francisco and Seattle.

For quite a while we couldn't complain, Brett Favre was exactly what we had hoped for. Then when we needed him most, he was exactly what we all feared.

When the Jets sputtered to the season's finish line, Favre's decisions were horrible. He threw 2 TD and 9 picks. He clearly was having arm problems, but the Jets couldn't sit him, and he surely wouldn't sit himself. He had a consecutive games streak to maintain.

Brett Favre was bigger than the team. In the one sport in which that premise is certain to fail every time. Brett Favre was going to gut it out on the field to service his own pride. A quarterback with a weak wing doesn't rally teammates, it hands games to the opponent.

Brett Favre may be a warrior, but he's not a winner. Not at this stage of his career anyway.

Now he's flirting with coming back again. This off-season tap dance is a rite of summer and is very reminiscent of Roger Clemens' act through the last few years of his career. He gets his very own spotlight, negotiating platform, and ESPN beat reporter.

And why is he coming back? To stick it to the Packers. The team that gave him all the patience and leverage that Favre required until they no longer wanted to cooperate. Good motivation, revenge. Against your former coaches and teammates that backed you all along. I guess you need an edge when you get to a certain age.

The Jets' opening game against Miami last season tells you everything you need to know. After the Jets' 20-14 win, the TV cameras were all over Favre as the game ended - he got a handshake here and there, but he was still a stranger on the Jets. Favre's teammates all were eager to hug and offer best wishes to the opposing QB, former Jet Chad Pennington, who was heroic in defeat.

Pennington's Dolphins would later win the AFC East at the hands of the Jets. He got his revenge, but wouldn't claim it against the guys he fought with for so long.

Will the Packers be as excited to embrace Brett Favre after the first Vikings/Packers meeting in '09? Not likely.

You see, Brett Favre's teammates, both past and present, know that they're just extras in a one-man show.