2103 Road Trip Day 13: An Oxford Education

I don't normally text while I'm driving but I felt compelled to take this shot while cruising at about 15 miles an hour off Exit 165. As you can see on the edge of the frame the recommended speed is 20 so I'm OK.

The dinged-up 2013 Pilot went about 3300 miles in 2 weeks. There were no accidents, no speeding violations, not even a parking ticket. We had a handful of traffic delays and a couple of storms but we were never really lost, and the kids didn't get to drive.

Anyway, when we last left our hero he had dropped off the kids and had followed the GPS down the Alabama backroads...

I spent the night alone with my Hilton points last evening in Oxford AL, approx 4 hours and 40 minutes from home. It's a pretty popular stopover between Birmingham and Atlanta, and sometimes I shack up there after a Tuscaloosa gig. It's got a ton of hotels and chain restaurants, but the only bar open as late as midnight is the scariest Applebee's in America.

When I say scary, I don't mean that I feared for my life or anything. I mean scary like a rollercoaster or a horror movie: sickly entertaining. This was my second time at that particular joint at that hour, and the scene was pretty much the same.

The bartender was yapping to the regulars about his trials and tribulations with his multiple babies and baby-mamas. One of the waiters was talking about how he freaked the first time he smoked methamphetamines. A girl at the bar frequently plagiarized Chris Rock quotes, passing them off as her own wisdom. The tough-looking, strangely-attractive tattooed woman next to me had a rough night working at the Anniston County Jail.

On the way out to my car, some dude tried to sell me some weed and I got the impression he was shopping his girlfriend too.

Talk about your Crazy-Ass Crackers! That's a reality show right there. I'm going back the next chance I get!

Maybe I'll circle Oxford, Alabama for the next road trip.

I Thought Lightning Never Strikes The Same Place Twice

Yet there I was exactly 20 weeks later, driving East on Anderson approx 9:50 AM on a rainy Tuesday morning on my way to Black Belt class.

Out of the blue, a young man not used to the treacherous one-ways of "city" driving made a left turn from the right land and sideswiped my front end.

Not only was this move incredibly puzzling on the surface, but he tried to make his left onto Price - which is a one-way the other way. It was just a whole crazy big bag of driving for dummies.

So the family roadster 2.0, not even four months old, got its front right bumper disengaged just days before an ambitious east coast road trip.

No persons were harmed in this mishap, and the damage to the vehicle is somewhere between minimal and moderate. But the timing sucks, and the circumstances are going to make me gunshy about driving a certain road at a certain time in certain conditions.

Gimme a Spring Break - Days 1 & 2

Spring Break with the kids isn't really a vacation. In fact at the end, I will most likely need a vacation from the vacation. We did Disney last year, and this year we returned to Orlando (off-campus) to see what other sadistic and expensive adventures the Tragic Kingdom has to offer.

The new Honda Pilot was called on for its first road trip, and the drive down from Savannah was low maintenance as the kids watched DVDs with their wireless headsets, while Dad listened to Michigan whack Florida in the Regional Final on XM.

So three generations of the Backtime Editorial Department found a very nice and reasonably priced 3-bedroom villa in Kissimmee as home base. After unloading all the toys, board games, clothes, and food, we headed out to Dave & Busters for a decent dinner and some video gaming.

It's like Las Vegas, only with kids from all over the world. The staff was very accommodating and the dinner booth was huge. We easily could have fit a party of 8.

Then today was the all-day Sea World trip. I was told this was a "can't miss" stop in Orlando, which is a little bit of a stretch. The kids liked Hershey Park much better because they qualified hight-wise for so many more rides. Though the Sea Lion/Pirate show, and the Whale show were both fun and amazingly choreographed.

The show at Shamu Stadium was almost as well orchestrated as this trip, which still has three full days left. And as any good producer will tell you, it almost always looks better on paper.

SWM, 40+, Seeks Long Term Relationship

I didn't go to Match.com or even Cars.com to look for a soulmate. I made the rounds, had a few first dates, kissed some frogs, and even dated out of my league. But ultimately I found something safe and built to last, a Honda Pilot.

Like any relationship, you don't know what the future holds. You take a leap of faith. And most of all, you need to find a car that fits your personality.

Are you in a mid-life crisis, looking for something slick and sporty to impress a significantly younger significant other?

Or are you resigned to your position in life as a bald, middle-aged Dad who uses the car to shuttle the kids to and from school, their activities, and on occasional family adventures?

I realize that no matter how much rap music I listen to, how often I work out, or how many video games I play, I know who I am. Just Joe Sixpack tryin' to pick up a spare. The new family roadster completes me.