This Week On A Very Special Real Time

When named in a lawsuit, it is generally thought that the defendant should keep his mouth shut. Except when the legal action is a waste of everybody's time, and the defendant has a very large microphone.

The fact that Bill Maher actually received a letter from Donald Trump's attorney, Scott S. Balber, attaching a birth certificate and a denouncement that Mr. Trump is not the spawn of an orangutan, is both troubling and hilarious.

You know in the coming days, Trump will be searching feverishly for some type of comeback that can level the playing field. But in his head, George Costanza is no doubt grumbling, "Jerk Store!"

The hour-long show was brilliant in a number of areas. There was the satellite interview with Julian Assange. Newsweek's Tina Brown explained the precipice of "culture change" in the Arab world, that the Taliban fear an educated woman far more than a drone strike.

But aside from the politically salient points and topics, there was satire at its height. Maher and his writers took the infamous Obama skeet-shooting photo to the next level.

Maher questioned to what lengths Obama would pander to endear himself to the nation's rednecks.

He could guest star on Hillbilly Handfishin'.

Or pimp out the presidential ride.

He could get tattoo renderings of his children - though you don't have to be a redneck to appreciate that one.

Or he could moonlight as everybody's favorite meth cook.

When I watched this sequence in my hotel room in Lexington a couple of nights ago, I was laughing out loud and nearly broke my hand slapping the desk.

I put the computer down and had to follow up down in the hotel lobby with the riff-raff after the Rascal Flatts concert let out. I didn't have DVR so I was operating off of memory. Either my delivery was bad or the Kentuckians didn't get the irony. But today I watched it again and it was brilliant - an all-time Real Time.

Backtime Dateline: Rupp Arena

There are better venues for college basketball: Allen Fieldhouse and Cameron Indoor come to mind. But for imagery, color, and pure fanaticism, it's the Big Blue Nation at Rupp Arena hands down.

Twenty thousand Kentucky fans go to the game, and half of them stay to hear Coach Calipari do the radio postgame show afterward.

And unlike the aforementioned basketball museums, Rupp is still a multi-purpose facility. Last night I wheeled into Lexington and the area was swamped because of the Rascal Flatts concert.

So after I finished my prep for the game I went over and checked out the teardown at Rupp, they only had 16 hours to get the house reset for hoops.

I wonder if they have hockey games here because they had one for Saturday's Auburn-Kentucky game, without the ice. It was a chippy foul-fest that featured a couple of technical fouls, some cheap shots, and one ejection.

But Kentucky kept their composure and what once looked like a lost season is turning into a very good one. The Wildcats now have won 5 straight to go to 8-2 in the SEC, and are headed to Gainesville for the conference game of the year Tuesday against Florida.

A Sunday Away From The Fray: Kentucky

Even with a whole day to myself, I couldn't bring myself to visit the infamous Harlan County. Despite what you gather from the TV show Justified, it isn't right next door to Lexington, it's a good 2+ hours away.

But I did my homework anyway on the central player of my favorite current TV drama. Harlan County is only home to just over 29,000 souls (96% white), and it has at least that many firearms. I met a Harlan native now based in Lexington, and he was actually wearing a cowboy hat just like Raylan's.

ME:   So what is there to do in Harlan on a day off?

HARLAN:   They do ATV tours that are pretty cool.

ME:   What about stockpiling guns and explosives? Is there like a Boyd Crowder fantasy camp?

HARLAN:   There's still moonshine.

ME:   So ATVs, explosives, and moonshine? Or as they call it in Kentucky...Sunday?

HARLAN:   Sounds about right.

ME:   What about Ellie Mae's trailer out in some Holler?

He laughed and said the show makes life look far more interesting than it really is. But some of the stuff is too real. Like last episode, there are plenty of families that'll blow your head off if you try to take away their government "draw."

The "draw" is the government disability/workers comp check for almost every human that has ever worked in the mines. It's ironic that people so dependent on the government are so against it.

Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers has a chapter called "Bloody Harlan" which examines the Culture of Honor that takes place in the American South. The quote that prefaces the chapter is "Die like a man, like your brother did." Generations have killed off each other in Harlan because of an insult directed at one's family.

If I spent the day in Harlan, chances are I would have insulted someone before the day was through. Which would have meant my chances of getting killed would be greater than zero. Especially if I was on the moonshine, setting of explosives while I was ATVing.

So I decided to stay in my Lexington hotel suite and catch up on expense reports. That never killed anyone.

Kickin' It in the L-E-X

This is always a cool trip. Football has taken over the south, but in a couple of states basketball is still king.

I sometimes wonder about that. Why are some states "football" and some states "basketball?" I'm not sure I get it. Why is Ohio a football state and Kentucky a basketball state? Why is North Carolina a basketball state, while South Carolina's a football state?

Whatever the reason, I'm glad that Lexington is basketball-crazy and that it always will be.

When you're sitting in Rupp Arena, it's not quite as nostalgic or awesome as Allen Fieldhouse or Cameron Indoor Stadium. But the fanaticism is what makes the experience so memorable. Rupp Arena is connected to a hotel which is connected to a mall and food court. And everyone wears blue. It's hard to do the scene justice.

About 20,000 (an early-arriving crowd) go to the game and about half of them stay after the game for John Calipari's postgame radio interview. They are here for the action, not the party (for the most part) and the Big Blue Nation is what makes makes the event more memorable than the venue.

Of course I can't sponge in the experience since I'm locked in away from the action. But there are worse views.

A Big Blue and Gang Green Weekend

It was the culmination of an all-time sports week, whether I had to work or not. First Allen Fieldhouse on Wednesday, then Rupp Arena on Saturday. They are two of the meccas of college hoops, and currently house the top two teams in the nation as well.

While I take the history of Kansas' home court above all others, Kentucky's home is something to behold for other reasons. The deluge of blue all day along is unrelenting - from the food court to the convention center to the Hyatt, which are all connected to Rupp. And they are real fans that have been born into the tradition and the passion ("Bluebloods?").

On Saturday, the Wildcats took on historic rival Arkansas, who is a little down this year. Kentucky led 10-0 and never looked back. They even led 71-29 at one point, and nobody left - even after a resounding victory that launched the unbeaten 'Cats to the #1 ranking.

...And the crowd still wouldn't leave. The below picture was taken after the blowout win as the masses stayed to watch Coach Calipari on the Big Blue postgame radio show.

After a terrific dinner at Pazzo's, I woke up the next morning and piled all my stuff in for my 3-hour pilgrimage from Lexington to Indy, where I was certain to see a lot more blue at the AFC Championship game. My sub-standard Ford Focus rental had Sirius Radio but no cruise control.

It rained for the majority of my ride, but after I parked strategically (for my postgame getaway - a learned trait in all TV production types), and I took the bright sun emerging over the enemy battleground as a great sign.

And there were a ton of Jet jerseys out on the street. The New York/New Jersey/Long Island posse represented well in Indianapolis. They all, much like Rex Ryan and myself were feeling giddy about our chances.

It's a beautiful new stadium, and I perched myself in the Jets radio booth - miles above sea level, but dead-center.

The rule is no cheering in the press box, but I didn't stand a chance. After some early pressure on Peyton Manning and some great play calls by Brian Schottenheimer, the Jets had a 17-6 lead. I had dreams of going straight from my Gainesville game on Feb. 6 straight to Miami for Super Bowl XLIV, though I would not speak of it.

But it ultimately didn't matter what I did or said, it was about what Peyton Manning did and said, in a clinic on how to play QB on the biggest stage.

The Jets' run was epic, but it was over - much like my week on hallowed sports ground.