Wednesday, July 24, 2013

2103 Road Trip Day 13: An Oxford Education

I don't normally text while I'm driving but I felt compelled to take this shot while cruising at about 15 miles an hour off Exit 165. As you can see on the edge of the frame the recommended speed is 20 so I'm OK.

The dinged-up 2013 Pilot went about 3300 miles in 2 weeks. There were no accidents, no speeding violations, not even a parking ticket. We had a handful of traffic delays and a couple of storms but we were never really lost, and the kids didn't get to drive.

Anyway, when we last left our hero he had dropped off the kids and had followed the GPS down the Alabama backroads...

I spent the night alone with my Hilton points last evening in Oxford AL, approx 4 hours and 40 minutes from home. It's a pretty popular stopover between Birmingham and Atlanta, and sometimes I shack up there after a Tuscaloosa gig. It's got a ton of hotels and chain restaurants, but the only bar open as late as midnight is the scariest Applebee's in America.

When I say scary, I don't mean that I feared for my life or anything. I mean scary like a rollercoaster or a horror movie: sickly entertaining. This was my second time at that particular joint at that hour, and the scene was pretty much the same.

The bartender was yapping to the regulars about his trials and tribulations with his multiple babies and baby-mamas. One of the waiters was talking about how he freaked the first time he smoked methamphetamines. A girl at the bar frequently plagiarized Chris Rock quotes, passing them off as her own wisdom. The tough-looking, strangely-attractive tattooed woman next to me had a rough night working at the Anniston County Jail.

On the way out to my car, some dude tried to sell me some weed and I got the impression he was shopping his girlfriend too.

Talk about your Crazy-Ass Crackers! That's a reality show right there. I'm going back the next chance I get!

Maybe I'll circle Oxford, Alabama for the next road trip.

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