Gimme A Spring Break - Days 5 & 6

Medieval Times was the perfect wrap-up event for family vacation. It was brilliantly choreographed and built great drama to a crescendo finish for the roaring crowd. It was like Broadway theatrical meets WWE.

Not only was the show a nice surprise, but it was probably the best dinner I had all week. Like the middle ages there's no silverware, and everyone is served soup, garlic bread, roasted chicken, a spare rib, baked potato, and an apple turnover. After feasting on amusement park fare and fast food all week, I felt like a Lord of the realm feasting like a king.

But I lost the battle with the kids, trying to get them from chicken nuggets to the real thing. But you could make the argument that the battle had already been won earlier in the day.

Thursday was the only Disney portion of the trip, with a scheduled day at Blizzard Beach. It was a rainy morning and I had to break the kids' hearts and the water park was out. The protests were too loud to ignore, so I gave them one shot - if we left now. They complied and we got almost 3 solid hours on a wide-open, cooler day before the weather hit for real.

The traffic the final day was considerably worse. The first Friday in April was a mass exodus from the Tragic Kingdom - all the minivans headed back to North Carolina, Michigan, and everywhere else east of the Mississippi, and they all were at the the Chick-Fil-A drivethru and on Interstate 4 & 95 the same time as the Backtime Editorial Department. A 4+ hour drive home actually came in at a ++ 6 hours.

As with any family trip there were ups and downs, but when you bond for this long with your closest people, history only records the highlights. I didn't have time to relax and watch any of the Yankee games this week (thank goodness). And I had to order The Walking Dead and Justified season finales on Amazon.com (in an upset, Justified was actually the far superior hour). I also couldn't realistically stick to my diet or exercise properly.

And after the kids got 6 hours of movies, video games and snacks while I drove us back home in the traffic and the rain, I dropped them off with their Mom. But my day of driving was far from over. I-95 would test my fortitude once again. Much more on that tomorrow...

Some Badass Shit

The FX drama Justified  is a wildly entertaining product though somewhat flawed. The dialogue is great, but great too often. It's what makes Elmore Leonard novels laugh-out-loud thrillers, but on TV you need good, developed characters and even better actors to pull off all the smart mouthing.

Deputy Marshall Rachel Brooks is terrible. That insidious Colton, the junky ex-military henchman is a waste of space - he doesn't even hold a cigarette right. And (dare I say it) I'm tired of Boyd Crowder trying to do Hamlet in every scene.

However, every conversation Raylan has with his boss Art Mullen is priceless.

When Drew Thompson (the Keyser Soze of Kentucky) eludes authorities yet again with the assistance of a small-town whore who has major info on the Crowders, Raylan suggests bringing in the state troopers on the manhunt. Art goes off on a major rant, one for the history books:

"The first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna acknowledge that this guy's awesome...I mean he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in a spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan County with enough coke and cash to jumpstart the economy of a small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement not once but two times...He spends a couple of days riding around with you (Raylan) while you're looking for him. And now he's run off with a hooker that's half his age. That's some badass shit." 

Raylan echoes "That's pretty badass." The "sir" was implied. Art's point is that the Marshall's service need to be the ones to corral one of the greatest fugitives eastern Kentucky has ever known.

And that brings all the old gang out. Wynn Duffy, Elston Limehouse, some Detroit gangsters in a helicopter, and poor "small-time asshole" Johnny Crowder playing triple-agent.

It's an intricate web involving people who are incredibly cagey, yet exceptionally dumb at the same time. It's a winner and a loser all in one. In short, can't-miss television.

Fighting For Bragging Rights Since 1889

History writes that The Dakota Territory was split into two separate states because the population base had boomed so quickly in the 1880s, that the people were recognizing two separate capitals.

Some of this dynamic was fleshed out in the HBO series Deadwood, one of the best TV dramas of all-time, and it just so happened to feature Timothy Olyphant as Marshall Seth Bullock: a complicated, unforgiving lawman with an itchy trigger finger. Sound familiar?

Deadwood was regrettably discontinued after 3 seasons, but had it gone on, the matter of statehood would have surely been a central focus. On November 2, 1889, North and South Dakota were admitted as the 39th and 40th United States. But there's more to the story.

There was so much rivalry and one-upsmanship between the Dakotas that while the states were admitted on the same day, President Benjamin Harrison ordered that the paperwork be shuffled so that nobody would know which executive order was signed first.

Technically North Dakota is listed as the 39th state. Since only President Harrison and his Secretary of State James G. Blaine know for sure, North Dakota wins for the history books since it comes first alphabetically.

This is all prologue for what took place in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, last night where the North Dakota State Bison took on the South Dakota State Jackrabbits. The Summit League Championship was on the line, and the automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament that goes with it. It was the biggest battle for state pride since 1889.

South Dakota had the edge going in with All-America guard Nate Wolters, who scored 53 in a game earlier this season. With the season in the balance, Wolters managed only half of that number in a brilliant career-defining game on national TV.

Wolters went around, through and over NDSU, finishing with 27 points, 6 rebounds, 6 assists, and 4 steals. And while the Bison cut into the lead late, they never could cross the border.

So Wolters and the SDSU Jackrabbits are headed to their second straight NCAA Big Dance. And while the state has obviously been in existence for nearly 125 years, the Jackrabbits will have a real chance as March rolls on to put the state of South Dakota on the map. So to speak.

Enter Jackie Nevada

The DirecTV guide description of last week's Justified episode "Money Trap" pretty much says it all:

"Raylan finds himself caught between a foxy grifter and an old nemesis out for revenge..."

Just how Elmore Leonard drew it up. In fact, much of this particular hour was lifted from Raylan, the novel. It includes the long-awaited introduction of Jackie Nevada, the card-shark Butler grad whose sense for banter and nostalgia belies her years on this earth. Her character comes across better on paper than on the show, but it doesn't make her any less attractive.

Jackie is the daughter of professional poker player Reno Nevada, and was almost named "Sierra," which of course leads to some witty back-and-forth with Raylan. She's another one of Elmore Leonard's dark-haired pistols. After all, it was J Lo who played Karen Sisco in Out Of Sight. And it was the very underrated Carla Gugino who played Sisco in the short-lived TV series.

So Jackie is going to be the next one on the "merry-go-round" with Raylan, who seems to attract women with a certain moral flexibility and colorful vocabulary.

The other show-runner from the DirecTV description was the "old nemesis out for revenge." This storyline was so memorable from the book that I thought I had seen the first-run episode before.

Jody, a killer fugitive on the run, fresh off killing two bounty hunters, enlisted the help of a low-rent porn director to find the money he stashed (that Jackie Nevada ran off with), and take out Raylan in the process.

In fact Jody and Kenneth (Kennet') make a sharply-produced video to call out Raylan, who watched it with wide eyes. Raylan and Jody  have their showdown in Raylan's home bar and Raylan pumps him full of bullets.

Jackie of course happens upon the scene while Raylan's gun is still smoking, and of course it doesn't faze her. This sort of action plays better in the book, but it's all very true to the author's vision.

The Next Best Show On Television

After being away for a few days I had the option of which to watch first, The Americans or Justified. One show couldn't wait.

The Americans has it all: Cold War spy shit, historical plot points, clever disguises, marital tension, and the real threat of the end of the world.

Episode 4 "In Control" is a memorable one, as both the FBI and KGB operate behind the scenes in the immediate aftermath of the Reagan assassination attempt. When Secretary Of State Alexander Haig goes on camera and assumes temporary control of the US Government (VP George H. Bush was regarded about as highly as Dan Quayle three months into Reagan's term) Phillip and Elizabeth show the complete opposite thought processing.

Elizabeth is the real loyalist. She is the point person on "Operation Christopher," a pre-emptive strike on US government officials. They're forced to kill a security guy while staking out Caspar Weinberger's house.

She thinks like the Russians, that since Haig was once a general and has taken "control" of the government, that this assassination is a coup d'etat. That America is going under martial law and will no doubt blame the KGB, a justification to start World War III and wipe the Soviet Union off the planet.

Phillip is more pragmatic, he's really an American at this point. He knows that life is good and thinks the American people are generally good, "Moscow is overreacting." And he was right.

"All these years walking these streets, living with these people, you still don't really understand this place. Haig could have ten nuclear footballs, this still wouldn't be a coup."

The FBI was of course dispatched to find the Russian angle, and then determined that John Hinckley Jr. was a nut.

So much like the US history with the Soviets, the war was almost all hyperbole. Credit to both sides for not pushing the button.

A Sunday Away From The Fray: Kentucky

Even with a whole day to myself, I couldn't bring myself to visit the infamous Harlan County. Despite what you gather from the TV show Justified, it isn't right next door to Lexington, it's a good 2+ hours away.

But I did my homework anyway on the central player of my favorite current TV drama. Harlan County is only home to just over 29,000 souls (96% white), and it has at least that many firearms. I met a Harlan native now based in Lexington, and he was actually wearing a cowboy hat just like Raylan's.

ME:   So what is there to do in Harlan on a day off?

HARLAN:   They do ATV tours that are pretty cool.

ME:   What about stockpiling guns and explosives? Is there like a Boyd Crowder fantasy camp?

HARLAN:   There's still moonshine.

ME:   So ATVs, explosives, and moonshine? Or as they call it in Kentucky...Sunday?

HARLAN:   Sounds about right.

ME:   What about Ellie Mae's trailer out in some Holler?

He laughed and said the show makes life look far more interesting than it really is. But some of the stuff is too real. Like last episode, there are plenty of families that'll blow your head off if you try to take away their government "draw."

The "draw" is the government disability/workers comp check for almost every human that has ever worked in the mines. It's ironic that people so dependent on the government are so against it.

Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers has a chapter called "Bloody Harlan" which examines the Culture of Honor that takes place in the American South. The quote that prefaces the chapter is "Die like a man, like your brother did." Generations have killed off each other in Harlan because of an insult directed at one's family.

If I spent the day in Harlan, chances are I would have insulted someone before the day was through. Which would have meant my chances of getting killed would be greater than zero. Especially if I was on the moonshine, setting of explosives while I was ATVing.

So I decided to stay in my Lexington hotel suite and catch up on expense reports. That never killed anyone.

Justified Season 4: The Search For Truth

The season premiere of Justified took a little bit of a turn. It was more like a day in the life of Deputy U.S. Marshal (and unauthorized free-lance bounty hunter) Raylan Givens. Nothing seems more natural than Raylan walking on a Harlan County sidewalk, carrying some keepsakes in a Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale crate.

He collared a fugitive by discharging his weapon to activate a steering wheel airbag, got his car stolen with the aforementioned fugitive in the trunk, and confronted Daddy Arlo in the pen. Boyd blew up a car, a hooker shot a john in a bear costume, and old Arlo shanked a guy in the joint.

It was a very entertaining hour for the second-best show on TV (ahead of Mad Men, but still behind the king). The season premiere didn't offer up too much in the way of a criminal mastermind like Mags Bennett, or a sinister samurai like Robert Quarles, or a brash angle-player like Wynn Duffy. But there were some serious show runners revealed.

First there was the unearthed Panamanian diplomatic bag, linked to a 30-year old botched coke drop, with the mysterious drivers license name Waldo Truth. And then there was the snake-handling religious revivalist, looking to snake away (see what I did there?) Boyd's oxy clientele. Expect everything to converge with some three-way shootout before the end of the season.

As always the dialogue was top-notch, as you would expect from characters drawn from Elmore Leonard. Boyd Crowder's vocabulary goes a little over the top, but the characters are all so well-drawn it is very forgivable. One thing the show was missing was the byplay with Raylan's boss Art Mullen, who didn't appear in this episode.

And Raylan's work "off the books" for cash is bound to have some consequences. A straight-arrow detective doesn't get ratings or sell as many novels as our favorite flawed lawman.

Paper Backtime: Raylan

Finally. It only took 6 weeks. Not that Raylan didn't move, it could've been polished off in 2 days. But getting your book ingestion done isn't about what you read as much as where you read. I haven't been in a school car pick-up lane or in the upright-and-locked position on a plane awaiting takeoff in months.

So while I've been consumed with family activities and feeding this site with dime store opinions, I inched through the latest Elmore Leonard novel - a sturdy companion to the great TV series Justified.

The book is kind of like a TV series in itself, a collection of situations in which our favorite Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens finds himself. There is no over-arching master-criminal like a Mags Bennett or a Robert Quarles on which a given season of the TV series hinges upon.

And the satellite characters aren't really developed, by design. Ava and Winona make brief appearances, and there's backstory, but they don't figure into any of the storylines. Boyd Crowder has a role, but it's more as mining company exec lady's right-hand man, than as Raylan's best "frenemy."

Raylan's conversations with his boss Art Mullen are still priceless.

The characters that are best-drawn are the series of criminals and fugitives that are all clever enough to have some success, but stupid enough to try to get around or through Raylan:

Dickie and Coover Crowe (Bennetts in the TV series), brain-dead sons of Pervis Crowe (the Mags Bennett-type) and bumbling pot dealers.

Layla, the cold-blooded OR nurse that cuts out kidneys in hotel bathtubs and sells them back to the victims as parts.

Delroy, the strip club owner who gets his girls pumped up on oxy to rob banks.

Elmore Leonard is an equal opportunity portrayer of bad guys. Man, woman, rich, poor, white, black, or other - they all fit in Harlan County, Kentucky. And the writer's top-notch dialogue makes them all engaging enough.

Raylan is just as quick-triggered as we know and love, putting down criminals or blasting the hat off some thug muscle just to make a point. And as far as the borderline women go who tempt Raylan, he stays all-business. Strike that, rather primarily business.

There's Jackie Nevada, the 23-year old college poker phenom who skips on the cops after she loses 20 Grand at a raided card game before she winds up on Raylan's radar, makes all her money back and a whole lot more, and gets Raylan to...

THE END

The Gold Medal for Confrontational Dialogue

There are some very good conceptual shows out there that really make you think, but the character dialogue is so stilted that you can almost see Joe Writer in front of a typewriter with a lightbulb over his head.

Then there are the gold standards, where the dialogue is so real you are drawn in to the show and forget that anyone ever put words down on paper in the first place. I think of The Wire, The Sopranos, Deadwood, and Justified. And it isn't too much of a coincidence that they all deal in great detail with the criminal's point of view.

So I present Exhibit A: Breaking Bad, Season 5 Episode 4 "Fifty-One." Conceived by Vince Gilligan and written by Sam Catlin. The scene involves only Bryan Cranston (Walter White) and Anna Gunn (Skyler White).

****CAUTION-SPOILERS****

Skyler's very real state of constant fear had just manifested itself in a transparent cry for help, a faked suicide attempt in the Whites' own swimming pool at a dinner party for Walt's 51st birthday. She knows what she now wants: the kids out of this combustible environment. But she doesn't know how to get there, and she finally ditches the passive aggression and strips it down for Walt.

SKY: I'm in it now. I'm compromised, but I will not have my children living in a house where dealing drugs, where hurting people, and killing people is shrugged off as shit happens! We're back at it, fine. The kids stay away and that's that.

WALT: That's that? That's what?

SKY: I got them out of this house.

WALT: To a sleepover at their aunt and uncle's. They spend a day or two, Junior stays up late watching movies, and then what happens?

SKY: We'll see...

WALT: No I'll tell you what happens. They come home to this house to their parents who love them.

SKY: No. I will not let our business endanger them.

WALT: How many times do I have to say they are not in --

SKY: I said No. I swear to god I won't have them back here.

WALT: What are you going to do to stop it?

SKY: Whatever it takes. Everything in my power.

WALT: Like what...I mean specifically? What is your next move?

SKY: My next move is maybe I hurt myself. Make it clear we need more time. Let Hank and Marie see we're still struggling.

WALT: No, more like you're still struggling. So maybe next time I have you committed. Put you in some in-patient facility while I take care of the kids myself. Is that what you want?

SKY: So then maybe I show up with bruises on my neck, give myself a black eye. Say that you beat me when you found out about my lover.

WALT: I see. So you want to involve Ted? Now that would be fun, bringing the police up to speed on all of that. But not as much fun as telling your 16-year old son his father is a wife-beater...Also not a very good plan, what else you got?

SKY: I could send Junior away to school.

WALT: Oh. Here's the conversation: "So Honey I know you've only got one year left in high school, but I would love it so much if you would drop everything, leave all your friends behind and go to boarding school in Arizona." You have any other ideas? Because I am not hearing a solution to your problem...How are you going to save our kids from this terrible environment? What are you gonna do, what're you gonna run off to France? What're you gonna close the curtains, change the locks? This is a joke, come on Skyler. You wanna take me on? You wanna take away my children? What's the plan!

SKY: I don't know! This is the best I could come up with! Okay? I will count every minute that the kids are away from here, away from you, as a victory. But you're right. It's a bad plan. I don't have any of your magic Walt, I don't know what to do, I'm a coward. I can't go to the police, I can't stop laundering your money, I can't keep you out of this house, I can't even keep you out of my bed...All I can do is wait, that's it, that's the only good option. Hold on, bide my time, and wait.

WALT: Wait for what? What are you waiting for?

SKY: ...For the cancer to come back.

Cut to Walt. Scene. Go to commercial. Perfect. And it was all talk.

But the body language made it too. Walt was stalking, menacing, and had all the answers. Skyler was retreating, even to the point of pulling her robe tightly over her chest. She was losing to the superior mind throughout, but hit him with the last word with more force than any weapon. But she's no saint here. Notice how she said "our business" but "your money?"

In the episode's final scene, Walt tries to convince Skyler that she'll come around. Because Jesse had just recently had a gun at his head and was now buying him an expensive watch. She'll come around too. Oh that'll do the trick. Keep reminding her of the constant danger he's in.

It's only the 4th episode of the season and show arcs are a lot like scene arcs, so it's not inconceivable that Walt is right - that Skyler will defy all logic and change her tune. It would be the human thing to do. And that's what separates the truly great shows from just great concepts.

Backtime Road Trip Day 2: Sea of Tranquility

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to do the math.

Here's the equation:

(1 tired Dad - 2 Kids dropped at in-laws + 1 hotel room + 2 shades drawn + 1 Do Not Disturb sign + 1 Melatonin) = 11 hours of sleep.

So I woke up refreshed in Huntsville, and prepared for my second annual solo summer sojourn to Louisville. So I hit the road by way of US Space and Rocket Center. I figured traveling through space is what my kids will do instead of us old-timers who wait in airports and occasionally get to hit the open road. So how about space camp?

Now that's the ultimate open road. From there, my GPS took me on backroads back to the interstate. Apparently I crossed into Tennessee and didn't even know it. Maybe they were embarrassed that a couple more Volunteer football players just got arrested. And I thought the new boss was nothing like the old boss.

But it was in Kentucky, just 90 minutes from my destination, where the smooth sailing ended. Was it an accident or a crime scene? Maybe US Deputy Marshal Raylan Givens had another Justified shooting.

This was the picture for over 3 hours in the mid-to-late afternoon on I-65 in Kentucky. Apparently while the road was still slippery, a compact car was wedged under a semi about a mile ahead. Timing is everything in life. If I left 10 minutes earlier I never would have been caught up in this. But if I left 5 minutes earlier, I might have been killed.

I was just two miles from the exit and woefully short on gas. The shoulder was unavailable because at least a dozen cops and emergency vehicles were occupying it. The exit 3 miles behind us was where the traffic south of us was being detoured so I couldn't afford to be idling with a near-empty tank.

Thankfully, the kids weren't with me. I used up all the juice on the cell phone, portable DVD player, and the laptop and didn't want to start the battery since I had no idea how long I'd be sitting there.

Mercifully, just as the mosquitos descended, the traffic started moving. I made it to the exit before running out of gas, and pulled into your friendly neighborhood British Petroleum station. When I coasted in, Jackson Browne's "Running On Empty" was playing on the loudspeaker. Maybe things do happen for a reason.

Just like wheeling in to Louisville just after dark, and fireworks lighting up the skyline for my arrival.

Maybe space is overrated. All the action's down here.